There is a local Morning guy on the radio here in Raleigh, NC, who I used to work with. He is very popular and is a talented man. One could say he has made a very good living pushing the envelope...he's one of those guys you hear on the radio that you love or you hate. Today I loved him.
He left the airwaves 26 days ago with the announcement that he had to undergo some urgent, unexpected surgery and would be out from 6 to 8 weeks. Many people speculated what it might be, others blew it off as a radio stunt for which Bob is very famous in these parts. For whatever reason, I was worried for the guy, call it a gut feeling, but I thought something was not right and that it could be serious....there aren't many things with today's medical technology that can lay you up with 8 weeks recovery time. I think most everyone thought it might be something related to his ticker.
Then came talk on the radio that Bob was about to return and tell his amazing story...they even had a countdown produced.
I tuned in, like everyone else this morning at 7am and heard Bob tell his story for close to 90 minutes before he said...I have a brain tumor.
The pain of the Past returned.
On my Son's Birthday, June of this year, it will mark 24 years since my 28 year old wife Ruth delivered our Son Jonah Christian Cummings to this world via c-section in Sacramento, California and then was wheeled upstairs for eight hours of brain surgery to remove a brain tumor the size of a tennis ball. My life forever changed on that day.
My wife was in the intensive care unit recovering from brain surgery, my son born two months premature, was in Pediatric Intensive Care fighting to stay alive. I remember being in the hospital chapel with my grandmother Ann sobbing uncontrollably and asking God why?
My three year old sister Coral Ann died of a brain tumor when I was thirteen and now this...you're damn right I asked why...I was angry, I was sad, I was scared, I heaved with emotions never before experienced in my life...I was a complete basket case unable to comprehend the events that were taking place as this was not something we prepared for.
It was sudden. We thought it was just a bad pregnancy, the headaches, the pain and the OB doctors not really knowing what was going on, until we had an intern at one of our emergency room visits say to us-
"...look, off the record, with the amount of Demerol in your wife's system, to still have this kind of pain in her head is not right, you should see a neurologist..."
We did, and in those days, Neurologists did not want to submit a pregnant woman two months from full term to a CAT Scan so it was a wait and see. The wait and see turned into another visit to the Emergency Room and when they looked into her eyes with a light, they immediately put consent papers in front of us for a CAT Scan and possible emergency surgery...it was all a blur at the time, but hearing about it on the radio this morning, 24 years later, brought it all back as if it happened just yesterday. The memory was crystal clear.
Painful.
Certainly, I do not know any details about Bob's surgery except what was shared today and honestly, I don't want to know. It's not that I don't care for the man and his family, it's the prospect of reliving those painful emotions and memories. On one hand I would like to reach out to him and his family, on the other hand, the selfish hand, I just want to move on from what was a terrible experience in my life and in my Son's life--painful memories of...
The radiation treatments that kill the tumor cells but also destroys the surrounding healthy tissue; the Dilantin that prevents your brain from swelling but can cause blackout and seizure; the Chemotherapy that causes your white blood cells to disappear, your immune system to weaken and takes away your body's ability to clot blood; the second surgery because the tumor returned; the loss of my wife's short term memory, her appetite and her inability to sleep; "experimental" Interstitial Implants of Radioisotopes in San Francisco to kill the tumor from within; the fear of the unknown; having to choose between further debilitating treatment or maintaining the quality of the life you have left; the counseling groups; the attitude that we will stand and fight and beat this thing; raising a young child who spends a lot of time in Hospital and Doctor Waiting Rooms while we wait for treatments or wait for news, the latest progress report...Brain Cancer is a horrible, insidious and unforgiving chronic disease...at times it seemed relentless and overwhelming, yet my wife, Ruth, was the most positive fighter of this disease anyone had ever seen at that time. A constant source of inspiration for all who were lucky enough to be in her presence; a tender and caring soul who loved life itself, a woman who was not just going to walk off and leave her little boy and her husband without a fight. Her fight lasted six years.
The Cancer beat her body but it did not defeat her mind, her spirit or her soul.
Today I was reminded about a painful past. I have learned to make my Present as positive as possible, to live life fully, in the moment and to appreciate what I have been given. I try to not worry too much what the future will bring. Each and every day I am thankful for one more day...one more day to experience the precious gift of life.
My heart goes out to Bob and his family. God bless.
