The Obituary

Some people might call it morbid fascination, but ever since I turned 50, I always check out the local Obituaries,

"...wow Jonah you have waayyyy too much time on your hands."

The scary part is when you read about these folks and they are your age or younger. He was a gardener, blah blah blah, he enjoyed the outdoors, blah, blah, he was an accomplished bingo player, blah, ba-blah, blah-blah! Ironically, you never hear how the dead bastard used to beat his wife or lock his kids in the dark basement, they are always loving...

So I decided to write my own Obituary...I really had a difficult time coming up with anything worthwhile, sort of sad really but a great exercise and a wonderful motivator to get my ass in gear and make a difference dammit!

Jonah Parker Cummings II, a radio broadcaster also known as Jon Robbins died today. Jonah was born on March 13, 1954 and is survived by his wife of ten years Florence Joy Cummings, Raleigh, a saint of a woman who Jonah should have treated better; Son Jonah Christian Cummings, Chapel Hill; Son Connor Scout Cummings, Raleigh; Sister, Tracy Cummings; Sister Carmela Sasaki; Brother David Phillips; Brother, Andrew Cummings, Brother, Norman Cummings and Celene Edmonds, a horrid, blood sucking little troll who lives off of pond scum and was his trailer trash ex-wife and mother of his youngest son. Jonah was predeceased by his Father Jonah Parker Cummings, Mother Zela DeBarro, Sister Coral-Ann Cummings and his oldest Son’s Mother Ruth Krauss-Cummings.

Jonah was born in Gulfport, Mississippi and called California home. He played football, made ok grades, did really stupid stuff and graduated from Huntington Beach High School in 1972. He enlisted in the U.S. Army and served as Missle Specialist for the 1st Armored Division in Schwabach, Germany. Following three years of active duty Jonah was honorably discharged in 1975 as a Vietnam Era Veteran. Jonah Cummings attended Humboldt State University, Arcata, California majoring in Journalism and had aspirations to become a serious journalist and writer exposing corrupt politicians and making the world a better place. Instead he dropped out after three years became a low-life Radio DJ spinning everything from Rubber Band Man to The Grateful Dead. Jonah began his broadcasting career in Eureka, CA at KFMI-FM and spent thirty plus years in Radio as an On-Air Talent, News Director, Program Director and Regional VP/Programming in Washington D.C.; Seattle; Spokane; Portland; Eugene; Corvallis; Minneapolis; Sacramento; Raleigh; Detroit; Springfield/Hartford and Charleston, SC. He was active in various charities and organizations including Make-A-Wish and Crimestoppers. He left radio in 2007 and became a political blogger, human rights activist and ball shagger at Rusty’s golf driving range. Golf was a game Jonah passionately enjoyed; he never had a hole in one or scored a round under par, but he did play the Princeville Course in Kauai and holed out an Eagle on a par 4 one time. He also loved to travel throughout Europe, Hawaii, and North America wreaking havoc and conducting classes on wine tasting with the locals daily at 6pm. When Jonah died he was an unemployed loser living off the wages his wife made as a Dog Groomer forced to squeeze anal glands on stupid stinking little dogs. His rotting body will be placed in a Hefty Garbage Bag and set out at curbside this Wednesday evening for Trash pick-up on Thursday morning. In lieu of flowers, send money to pay the Garbageman.