Reflecting on 2007

For me personally, 2007 rates as one of the worst years of my life; it will never replace 1990, the year Ruth, my first wife passed from Brain Cancer or the year preceding that 1989 where I had to watch the spirit and fight and joy for life slowly dim in Ruth-cancer is such a mean and devastating disease; no person or animal should be subjected to this form of slow and often painful death. I'm not sure that 2007 can be worse than 1993 and 1994 where I had to endure one of the most painful mistakes of my life-a marriage to a woman who got pregnant to snatch a husband (here I am the fool who got suckered--the guy who did the right thing who ends up paying for it later) Talk about a rebound relationship! I have no regrets because I have a Son Connor who I love; maybe someday he will see for himself the self centered nature of his Mother. Maybe someday he will discover the horrible act his Mother committed in her previous life. Maybe someday Connor will understand that his Mother contributed nothing to his upbringing in his early years with me...but these are discoveries he must make alone and without my help.

2007 represented LOSS.

Income came to a grinding halt in March 2007 after the six month severance expired. Jobs were few and certainly not the pay grade of the last three years.

Joy gave up her Horse, Lucky, to a friend's daughter.

A very close and dear friend for Joy, Shelly, passed from cancer.

"Birdie" our Cockatiel bird died.

Simba our beloved Siamese cat died.

We are selling our house that we love not because we can no longer afford it, but more because it is just too much house. With no more kids in the house, we don't need the room.

Connor returned to his Mother in Redding and she has been taking me to Court in California for Child Support, all because her husband of ten years divorced her and said he had enough as well. I still waffle as to whether or not I should fight for custody, but you know what? Let Connor discover for himself what life with his Mother is all about.

For the first time in 32 years, I am thinking of doing something other than Radio to earn a paycheck.

Let's see-- no degree, no certifications, no licenses to speak of, 53 years old and the only thing I've ever done is speak on the radio or direct the programming on the radio or voice commercials to be played on the radio...pretty narrow corridor of opportunity-this radio thing. The plan is to sell our house in Raleigh and move to Savannah and rent; maybe I can use the time to get a Real Estate License or finish my degree or get some form of certification that will allow me to do something else to earn a paycheck if I so choose.

I enjoy being on the air and will probably do Mornings on BIG 98. It's all about generating content anymore, everything else is superfluous. Create great content that people want and get it on all the media platforms available. I got into this business of radio to be on the air, to entertain, to inform, to give back to the community...sometimes things have a way of coming full circle and for the better.

The last few days I came down with a terrible stomach virus or flu, couldn't eat, passed out in bed, feeling like someone punched me a million times in the stomach...the thought or smell of food made me gag. Here it is January 1st 2008 and I feel like I have purged all the toxins out of my body as well as all the bad crap that happened in 2007. I have shaved all the hair off my face and have a new outlook and feeling for the year ahead.

The prospects for 2008 are looking GREAT! Time to put the past behind me and move forward with a positive vibe!!!

LOSS and GRIEF are Powerful Emotions

SIMBA

Today, Joy and I decided we had to put our cat of 9 years, Simba, down. Simba developed Feline Urinary Syndrome, which is common in male cats, tiny crystals block the urethra preventing the cat from emptying their bladder. This causes extreme discomfort and can be fatal because urea backs up into the system and results in uric poisoning.

Last week, I had noticed that Simba was trying to mark the wall which I thought was unusual. He was also looking a little thin and I said to Joy that something is wrong. We then noticed he was having trouble in the litter box and not urinating. We took him to an emergency VET Hospital and they confirmed that his bladder was firm and full and that he probably had a blockage. I told Joy that I did not care what the cost was, we needed to give him a chance...he is like a child for us, not just a pet cat and he was not going down without a fight. The bill was well over a thousand dollars, most people would say that's crazy to spend that amount of money on a cat--I really don't care what others think. After they put a catheter in him and relieved the bladder, they also found the crystals causing the blockage...he was on an IV and had a urine bag when we took him to our regular vet on Monday Morning. They did some x-rays and discovered that he had a pea sized stone in his bladder that could be dissolved through diet...the good news was nothing showed in his kidneys...he stayed with the Vet for a couple of days, we hoped that he would recover, but he gradually got worse and the Vet called Thursday to let Joy know that he was again blocked.

We did everything we could do for Simba. Joy is beating herself up thinking somehow she is responsible for what happened to Simba---I told her that she is NOT responsible.

There was a LOT of crying going on since returning to Raleigh last night from Savannah...I loved that cat so much that I could not bear the thought of putting him down. Joy spent the night holding him and talking to him and loving on Simby...every time I came into where Simba was I balled like a baby, I just could not look at him without feeling a deep sense of loss and grief...it is terrible to lose a soul you have come to love with your heart; I know I will not be the same without Simba---it will take a while for me to recover from this loss and the miserable part is that it is Christmas.

I Love You Simba.