Recently I did a quickie Business trip to Lost Wages. Brutal. Got on a plane at 6am. Waited in Charlotte for an hour and a half, then got on the connection for a four and half hour, fun filled and uncomfortable flight to a large speck in the middle of nowhere. The high that day in Las Vegas was 104 degrees, whew, toasty!
Have you noticed that the airlines have turned into the old Mexican bus companies? I remember seeing the old blue buses in Tijuana crammed with too many people and they all had chickens in cages and goats on leashes. Usually the buses were so overcrowded that some of the bus riders were hanging out the windows. Now it seems anyone and everyone flies. The airlines pack you in like sardines in a tin box. 150+ people sitting three across with their chickens in crates and over sized personal carry on bags crammed beneath seats designed for people with small butts. Absolutely no room to move, very painful and a little smelly-The airlines should pay us to fly. Thought I was on the Mexican Blue Bus to Ensenada!
How about that airline food? Or maybe the lack of airline food. I opened the smallest raisin box in the history of mankind, it might have had twenty raisins tops o.k. maybe it was twelve raisins. Bottled Water now comes in the eighth of a bottle size---I call them two gulps and you're done. Airlines must import in their food from a parallel universe where people are all 13 inches high...why bother? Every time I fly there is some new innovative way to cut costs...the air conditioning is barely on as we taxi out to the runway and they don't start up the other jet engine until just before they are #1 for take-off---enough already!
There are also waaay too many "guys" posing as Flight Attendants...who wants some hairy guy who shaves his back asking you if you would like coffee or Hot Tea? I don't even know of any women who have that desire; besides most of these guys are gay...I hardly ever see Hispanic or Asian women as Flight Attendants on Domestic Flights, very few African Americans, what's up with that?
I arrive in Vegas and get a cab to the Hotel. Thought it wise to check-in, freshen up by throwing water on my face and change into a business suit for the business meeting. I wrestled long and hard with this "suit and tie" notion, given that even birds were not flying that day because of the intense Summer heat, but hey, it's Vegas and you gotta look good. The majority of people I ran into that day in Las Vegas looked like they just got out of bed, even the guy I met with had no tie...what was I thinking!? Anyway, I go with the suit, I go to hail a taxi and the very same woman who just dropped me off 45 minutes ago is the same cabbie picking me up to go to East Tropicana--what are the odds? In fact, she starts freaking on the whole event. Friendly though, a chatty older woman talking about her dogs in Vegas...during the ride, I made a phone call, put my phone on my belt clip and guess what? It pops off as I was getting out of the cab and now I have no cell phone. I immediately call the cab company to let them know I was just dropped off and my phone is in their cab...they don't really give a rats ass about it. They make a lame attempt of hailing drivers over the radio and saying no one responded...Freaking wonderful...I'm in Las Vegas, it's a Million degrees in the shade and I've lost every phone number in my cell phone...it's not really losing the cell phone that bothers me, it's all of the numbers stored in the damn thing...gone, lost, adios, too bad, tough luck. I had turned off the ringer in anticipation of being in a business meeting--so forget telling me I should have just called the phone.
What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas. What's lost in Vegas, also stays in Vegas...money, jewelry, cell phones, wallets, your feeble mind...nothing is safe. Money seems to disappear with each step in Vegas. What's really painful to watch are the poor bastards waiting to leave Vegas at the airport feeding the slots with their last five dollars...whoops that would be me. Pathetic.
Meeting went well. Could not wait to leave. Getting a cab to leave seemed like an eternity. Got back to the hotel, changed into normal desert survival clothing and took a quick tour of the Hotel and Casino. It seems like everyone around you is losing money in the casino...you can really see it some of these poor bastards' eyes; that glazed over, empty, I just lost my entire life savings type of look. You can find them hovering around the many ATM machines in the casinos...or the bars...they ain't drinking, they are wishin they were drinkin...if they just had some money, they could have a nice drink and win all that lost money back....yeah right.
Let's face it. Las Vegas is designed to take your money and keep it. The odds are in favor of the House....ALWAYS. They may let you have the temporary "happy" feeling of winning, but in the end the casino will get back any money they "gave" you and then some. You WIN in Vegas if you can take in a show for FREE, eat a couple of good meals, get a "comp'd" room and break even on the alloted gambling money you may have brought along on your little family vacation or business trip. Never believe though that you will actually take a big wad of cash from the casino and deposit in your Des Moines Iowa Bank account back home--NOT gonna happen.
I ended up having some cheap pizza and a Corona for dinner and turning in early. The temptation to sit at a blackjack table was pretty strong though. I was proud of my "just say no" attitude and was content watching TV in my room...besides, I had some thinking to do about what brought me to Vegas that day, the meeting I attended and what the potential results might be. My internal time clock was a mess, so I really needed the time to chill out, rest and think...hmmm no cell phone now what?
I have to say that not having a cell phone for 24 hours and traveling was driving me a little nutty, however, I realized just how idiotic a cell phone is, especially when you observe and listen to others using their cell phones..."Hi, I'm at the airport, yeah uh huh, waiting for the plane, picking my nose hairs, you know...hopefully it won't be late, well gotta run, bye." As soon as they hang up they are talking to yet another person about "nothing". You begin to wonder if there isn't a greater need to just be connected to someone familiar at all times, especially when you are in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations like an airport...too weird...now my head hurts.
As my favorite comic Denis Leary would say, "Shut the Hell up, just get your whiny ass on the freaking bus...uhhh the airplane!
